So, there's a funny thing about trauma. About pain. We're wired to forget it. We're literally programmed to dull the pain, to forget how bad everything hurt, so we can continue moving forward. It's the end of October. And you know what? I'm doing really, really great. There's a small part of me that hates that? That wants to rage and scream and ask myself what the hell is wrong with me? How can I be okay? How can I be okay when nothing is even remotely better? If anything, things are worse? I think it's because I died. Not, like, ... Keep Reading
169 Days
I don't understand how it's September. I really didn't think I was gonna be here for September. Yet here I am, still kicking. I guess I'm grateful, but sometimes it feels like I've just forced myself to be here while I watch everything I know implode. In a way, I feel better. I think I've finally hit that apathy wall. Combine that with a weird sense of superiority (it's my inner Slytherin*) and "I told you so" and I'm in this weird space where while I still care deeply, I also don't. Oh, the death toll for COVID is 183,000+? We told you ... Keep Reading
127 Days.
When I wrote 60 Days, I mentioned not knowing what the next 60 days would hold. I don't know that I expected it to be more of the same, but life's funny that way. My days are very similar to how they were two months ago - wake up, play Animal Crossing, stay home. The last few weeks have been more productive (lots of work to do!) and I've actually been watching less Doctor Who, but that's about it. (Okay, truth be told I've only been watching less Doctor Who because I've rewatched Season 5 and Season 6 both twice during quarantine. All ... Keep Reading
91 Days
I don't have many updates to share. The last 31 days have been more or less the same as the previous 60 days. The routine is the same. I stay home. I struggle with mental illness and suicidal thoughts. I continue to strain familial relationships. I get stoned. I watch Doctor Who and play Animal Crossing. Seth and I have had a lot of hard conversations. Shed a lot of tears. Fortunately, our relationship is as strong as ever. He is and will always be my best friend. I'm so blessed to have him. I was struggling to get through just the ... Keep Reading
60 Days.
At the time of writing this, I've been sheltering in place for 60 days. 60 days at home, just Seth and I. 60 days since I've hugged another person. 60 days since I've been able to go out without taking a million precautions. 60 days stuck. The entire fucking world has changed in those 60 days. Nearly 90,000 Americans have died of a virus. We're on the verge of economic collapse. Globally things don't look much better. It's funny, because I work from home. I'm always home anyways. My schedule has barely changed - if anything, you think ... Keep Reading
A Decade in Review
Forever the serial procrastinator, I've been writing this post in my head for literally a month but decided to wait until the very last day of the year - the decade - before I actually put it all down. I needed time to reflect. To go over everything that's happened in the last ten years and figure out what was really important. I'm gonna go through, year by year. Share my ups, and my downs. And the lessons I've learned along the way. 2010 If I take a look at my FB memories, I rang in the new decade listening to Michael Bublé's Haven't ... Keep Reading